Christine Rhyner

Christine's blogs

Why We Should Have "The Talk" Before Marriage
Friday, March 20, 2015 by Christine

About the birds and the bees?  Well, not that “talk” many of us had with our parents.  It can still make me cringe when I think of the day my mother decided it was time to discuss sex with me—well, sort of in a peripheral way--without actually saying the word. It wasn’t so much a discussion either. As I recall there wasn’t any verbal communication about it on my part. Maybe not on yours, either.

 
No, it’s really about the conversation many of us will have with our future spouses. We may talk about having kids, how many, how soon and even bounce around names we like. Yet, there are many of us who never think to talk infertility. 
 
Approximately one of every six couples experiences issues with fertility. Fertility also diminishes with age. By thirty-five, women are considered to be in a high risk category for pregnancy with an increased risk of medical complications to mother and child. And ours is a culture in which many of us marry later in life.
 
But whether we marry young or not, “the talk” is important. We need to ask each other, “What if we discover we can’t conceive?” Are we on the same page if fertility interventions become necessary to start a family? What types of reproductive technologies are we comfortable with if any? How much are we willing to spend? What about foster care or adoption? Are we both open to these as options? What if we experience secondary infertility, in other words, the inability to conceive after having one child? Is it important to us to have at least two kids?  
 
As part of a fertility support group, it breaks my heart to hear other people share that spouses cheat on or abandon them due to an inability to conceive. I know from experience that it’s already an emotionally gut-wrenching experience to deal with infertility, let alone a partner who may blame, betray, or leave you.
 
Recognizing that “the talk” is important before we commit to a lifetime with another and taking a little time to work through it is proactive. It can help prepare us for the reality that not every couple will easily start a family if and when they want to. We will already be aligned with our partner as to what kinds of options we will choose, if any. Most importantly, we will know in advance of marrying if our spouse will truly accept and support us according to the vows we take. And all this can turn the issue of infertility into an already mutually agreed upon solution-oriented journey rather than an unexpected blow with heartbreaking fallout.
Share This Blog:

Previous Posts

Whatever Their World View, No, The Kids Are Not Alright, Part 1
Christine
4/18/2024

Day of Mourning, Day of Shame
Christine
1/22/2022

God's Presence With Wings
Christine
6/18/2021

The Church Needs to Unify in the Battle For Right to Life
Christine
6/10/2021

Our Sixty-Year Decline
Christine
6/1/2021

H.R. 1 Would Be A Bigger Test For The Church Than Covid Shutdowns {Part 2 of 2}
Christine
5/20/2021

H.R. 1 Would Be A Bigger Test For The Church Than Covid Shutdowns {Part 1 of 2}
Christine
5/12/2021

Dangers of Love Growing Cold
Christine
5/3/2021

Democrats' Despicable, Advantageous Use of the Elderly
Christine
4/23/2021

America, Land of Condemnation (Part Three)
Christine
4/15/2021

America, Land of Condemnation (Part Two)
Christine
4/6/2021

America, Land of Condemnation (Part One)
Christine
3/24/2021

Government's Desperate Need for Humility
Christine
3/11/2021

Is the Church Changing?
Christine
1/19/2020

What Are Our Values Anymore?
Christine
11/22/2019

The Final Frontier (Part Two)
Christine
9/4/2019

The Final Frontier (Part One)
Christine
7/29/2019

Soulmate
Christine
4/30/2019

The Colors of a Writer
Christine
12/29/2018

What's Not to Get About the Writing Life?
Christine
4/18/2018

Learning to Sing the Song of Winter
Christine
12/10/2017

Perspectives & the Second Half of the 10 Commandments of Conflict
Christine
8/25/2017

Perspectives & 5 of the 10 Commandments of Conflict
Christine
5/2/2017

Run Writer Run! Make Music with Your Words
Christine
2/15/2017

Mom, the Fishstetrician
Christine
10/14/2016

The CONSTITUTION For President
Christine
6/5/2016

The Radicalization of Hillary and the Democrat Party (PART 2 OF 2)
Christine
4/16/2016

The Radicalization of Hillary and the Democrat Party (PART 1 OF 2)
Christine
4/15/2016

Why Ted Cruz NOW?
Christine
3/19/2016

Why is the GOP Committing Suicide?
Christine
3/14/2016

Dear Chicago
Christine
3/12/2016

Does God Give Us More Than We Can Handle?
Christine
2/29/2016

That Unanswered GOP Debate Question
Christine
1/9/2016

America's Lifeline
Christine
12/31/2015

Fractured Nation (2 of 2)
Christine
11/14/2015

Fractured Nation (1 of 2)
Christine
11/11/2015

What is Orphan Sunday?
Christine
11/8/2015

November's Gratitude and Longing
Christine
11/4/2015

Losing a Child is Like...
Christine
9/12/2015

Finding God in a Tenement
Christine
9/3/2015

Doing School in the 21st Century
Christine
8/22/2015

Superstition vs. Planned Parenthood
Christine
8/19/2015

Addicted to Giving Birth?
Christine
4/21/2015

Why We Should Have "The Talk" Before Marriage
Christine
3/20/2015

Adoptive Parents "Hypersensitive" & "Selfish?"
Christine
3/12/2015

What's So Wrong With Calling It "Gotcha Day!"
Christine
2/26/2015

How God Connected the Dots
Christine
2/7/2015

Exposure of Transracially Adopted Kids to Their Races a Bad Thing?
Christine
2/2/2015

Out With The Old
Christine
1/12/2015

Those Who Scoff at International Adoption
Christine
8/16/2014

Setting Aside Birth Story Facts for Truth
Christine
7/31/2014

Sneak Peak, "How much did you pay for her?"
Christine
6/11/2014

Blessing Through Adoption Pain
Christine
5/16/2014

Eight Ways Publishing Your Book is Like an Adoption Journey
Christine
2/23/2014

Neglected Ministries?
Christine
2/17/2014

It's a Boy
Christine
2/8/2014

Thoughts of Her
Christine
2/1/2014

To My Son
Christine
1/30/2014

Rational Thinking?
Christine
1/25/2014

Minority Against Minority
Christine
1/12/2014

Happy New Year!
Christine
12/30/2013

Happy Thanksgiving
Christine
11/25/2013

You ARE my mother?
Christine
11/10/2013

The Transracially Adopted Children's Bill of Rights and Some Thoughts
Christine
11/3/2013

Infertility Is...
Christine
10/19/2013

Will He Speak English?
Christine
10/11/2013

Kitty-Sam
Christine
10/5/2013

What's in a Name?
Vhristine
9/30/2013

An Adoptive Mom's Message to Those in the Healthcare and Education Professions
Christine
9/25/2013

Being Tested
Christine
9/11/2013

When We Are Weary
Christine
9/1/2013

Trailblazers
Chrisrine
8/24/2013

A Fresh Start
Christine
8/22/2013

God Works Behind the Scenes
Christine
8/13/2013

Why Adoption Requires Forgiveness
Christine
7/28/2013

Dust Bunnies and Poo
Christine
7/19/2013

Reality Check
Christine
7/13/2013

Forgiveness is Work
Christine
7/9/2013

An Answer to Prayer, Part Three
Christine
7/3/2013

An Answer to Prayer, Part Two
Christine
6/27/2013

An Answer to Prayer, Part One
Christine
6/22/2013

Are They Really Brother and Sister?
Christine
6/16/2013

Infertility's Not Fair
Christine
6/13/2013

Has He Ever Eaten a Dog?
Christine
6/11/2013

Sometimes We Fail
Christine
6/9/2013

    Blog Categories
    All Categories