And it came. The day of real racism against my son in which I was not there, did not see or hear it and could not protect or defend him from it.
It was a day like any other that my son, twelve years-old, had been given permission to walk together to a local park with a friend of his. The boys, no longer little kids didn’t swing on the swings or climb the monkey bars I’d watched Lucas tackle a hundred times as he grew. Nor did they fill pails with sand they’d promptly dump out all over themselves. No, those days were over. They “hung out.”
I’d heard afterward that Lucas climbed to the top of the restroom facility at the park and sat on its roof, imperiously gazing down on the fenced in kiddie park, duck pond, and all who came and went.
Apparently that’s when it happened. A group of minority children whose ethnic background is irrelevant, approached my Asian-born son and began to verbally assault him with ethnic slurs.
The thing that wounded me for my son was that these children, being minorities themselves likely have been the target of someone else’s racism. Did they not understand how it felt to be judged, criticized or stereotyped? Or did they, and was the racial sewage that came out of their mouths something that made them feel powerful?
In either case, I felt anger too. Had I been there I would have wanted to verbally tear into those children and give them a good piece of my mind.
Our son’s response to the affront had been to ignore it. Maybe he is a better person than I. Perhaps that had been the right decision to make in the moment. Yet a part of me wants him to stand up to racism, to defend himself and without attacking back, be proud of his heritage and ethnicity.
These situations are difficult for transracial families to navigate their way through. We realize we cannot always be there to protect our kids. We are made aware abruptly (and so are they), like an unexpected slap in the face, that racism is pervasive in our diverse society. And we are uncertain about discussing racism with our kids, wondering if bringing it up will make it more of an uncomfortable issue for our children or better equip them to deal with it. I know that my twelve year-old son is not one to discuss his feelings openly and regularly.
Our particular child or children’s personalities have to be taken into consideration. Some are more outspoken and aggressive in personal encounters in which they are violated in some way. Mine happen not to be. They are more reserved in such situations.
I have tried to teach them to stick up for themselves and speak up in other situations in which say, they’ve been bullied. They don’t seem to naturally, or through instruction want to do this.
In fact, it wasn’t even my son who told me about this painful experience. His friend, who happens to be Caucasian told my husband who then told me. That also hurt my heart. I wished my son had come forward to discuss the situation.
I can say that there are no more “hanging out” sessions for my child in places like parks. Not a place to run free, explore and do things like build forts or climb trees, this park is now off limits for the express purpose of climbing outhouses and finding trouble.
Sometimes I feel that talking about issues such as adoption and racism with my children makes it front and center that they are “different” than my husband and I and the majority of their family and friends. They don’t like to talk about these issues but it’s important that we do. While we have always instilled pride in them for their birth cultures and countries of origin, we need to keep an open dialogue with our kids as they grow and make sure they are not “stuffing” their feelings concerning these topics.
Christian Writers Conference Next Month!
Christine
7/13/2024
How Climate Change Extremism Sells Abortion (Part 2 of 2)
Christine
7/9/2024
How Climate Change Extremism Sells Abortion (Part 1 of 2)
Christine
6/25/2024
Whatever Their World View, No, The Kids Are Not Alright, Part 4 of 4
Christine
5/21/2024
Whatever Their World View, No, The Kids Are Not Alright, Part 3 of 4
Christine
5/8/2024
Whatever Their World View, No, The Kids Are Not Alright, Part 2 of 4
Christine
4/28/2024
Whatever Their World View, No, The Kids Are Not Alright, Part 1 of 4
Christine
4/18/2024
Day of Mourning, Day of Shame
Christine
1/22/2022
God's Presence With Wings
Christine
6/18/2021
The Church Needs to Unify in the Battle For Right to Life
Christine
6/10/2021
Our Sixty-Year Decline
Christine
6/1/2021
H.R. 1 Would Be A Bigger Test For The Church Than Covid Shutdowns {Part 2 of 2}
Christine
5/20/2021
H.R. 1 Would Be A Bigger Test For The Church Than Covid Shutdowns {Part 1 of 2}
Christine
5/12/2021
Dangers of Love Growing Cold
Christine
5/3/2021
Democrats' Despicable, Advantageous Use of the Elderly
Christine
4/23/2021
America, Land of Condemnation (Part Three)
Christine
4/15/2021
America, Land of Condemnation (Part Two)
Christine
4/6/2021
America, Land of Condemnation (Part One)
Christine
3/24/2021
Government's Desperate Need for Humility
Christine
3/11/2021
Is the Church Changing?
Christine
1/19/2020
What Are Our Values Anymore?
Christine
11/22/2019
The Final Frontier (Part Two)
Christine
9/4/2019
The Final Frontier (Part One)
Christine
7/29/2019
Soulmate
Christine
4/30/2019
The Colors of a Writer
Christine
12/29/2018
What's Not to Get About the Writing Life?
Christine
4/18/2018
Learning to Sing the Song of Winter
Christine
12/10/2017
Perspectives & the Second Half of the 10 Commandments of Conflict
Christine
8/25/2017
Perspectives & 5 of the 10 Commandments of Conflict
Christine
5/2/2017
Run Writer Run! Make Music with Your Words
Christine
2/15/2017
Mom, the Fishstetrician
Christine
10/14/2016
The CONSTITUTION For President
Christine
6/5/2016
The Radicalization of Hillary and the Democrat Party (PART 2 OF 2)
Christine
4/16/2016
The Radicalization of Hillary and the Democrat Party (PART 1 OF 2)
Christine
4/15/2016
Why Ted Cruz NOW?
Christine
3/19/2016
Why is the GOP Committing Suicide?
Christine
3/14/2016
Dear Chicago
Christine
3/12/2016
Does God Give Us More Than We Can Handle?
Christine
2/29/2016
That Unanswered GOP Debate Question
Christine
1/9/2016
America's Lifeline
Christine
12/31/2015
Fractured Nation (2 of 2)
Christine
11/14/2015
Fractured Nation (1 of 2)
Christine
11/11/2015
What is Orphan Sunday?
Christine
11/8/2015
November's Gratitude and Longing
Christine
11/4/2015
Losing a Child is Like...
Christine
9/12/2015
Finding God in a Tenement
Christine
9/3/2015
Doing School in the 21st Century
Christine
8/22/2015
Superstition vs. Planned Parenthood
Christine
8/19/2015
Addicted to Giving Birth?
Christine
4/21/2015
Why We Should Have "The Talk" Before Marriage
Christine
3/20/2015
Adoptive Parents "Hypersensitive" & "Selfish?"
Christine
3/12/2015
What's So Wrong With Calling It "Gotcha Day!"
Christine
2/26/2015
How God Connected the Dots
Christine
2/7/2015
Exposure of Transracially Adopted Kids to Their Races a Bad Thing?
Christine
2/2/2015
Out With The Old
Christine
1/12/2015
Those Who Scoff at International Adoption
Christine
8/16/2014
Setting Aside Birth Story Facts for Truth
Christine
7/31/2014
Sneak Peak, "How much did you pay for her?"
Christine
6/11/2014
Blessing Through Adoption Pain
Christine
5/16/2014
Eight Ways Publishing Your Book is Like an Adoption Journey
Christine
2/23/2014
Neglected Ministries?
Christine
2/17/2014
It's a Boy
Christine
2/8/2014
Thoughts of Her
Christine
2/1/2014
To My Son
Christine
1/30/2014
Rational Thinking?
Christine
1/25/2014
Minority Against Minority
Christine
1/12/2014
Happy New Year!
Christine
12/30/2013
Happy Thanksgiving
Christine
11/25/2013
You ARE my mother?
Christine
11/10/2013
The Transracially Adopted Children's Bill of Rights and Some Thoughts
Christine
11/3/2013
Infertility Is...
Christine
10/19/2013
Will He Speak English?
Christine
10/11/2013
Kitty-Sam
Christine
10/5/2013
What's in a Name?
Vhristine
9/30/2013
An Adoptive Mom's Message to Those in the Healthcare and Education Professions
Christine
9/25/2013
Being Tested
Christine
9/11/2013
When We Are Weary
Christine
9/1/2013
Trailblazers
Chrisrine
8/24/2013
A Fresh Start
Christine
8/22/2013
God Works Behind the Scenes
Christine
8/13/2013
Why Adoption Requires Forgiveness
Christine
7/28/2013
Dust Bunnies and Poo
Christine
7/19/2013
Reality Check
Christine
7/13/2013
Forgiveness is Work
Christine
7/9/2013
An Answer to Prayer, Part Three
Christine
7/3/2013
An Answer to Prayer, Part Two
Christine
6/27/2013
An Answer to Prayer, Part One
Christine
6/22/2013
Are They Really Brother and Sister?
Christine
6/16/2013
Infertility's Not Fair
Christine
6/13/2013
Has He Ever Eaten a Dog?
Christine
6/11/2013
Sometimes We Fail
Christine
6/9/2013